It’s with great sadness that I have to report to you that alcoholics and druggies alike have suffered a serious blow today with the new drug law passed in parliament this morning.

It’s understood that the new law will first be implemented in the workplace, at roadblocks and at SASSA offices.

From May 2014 all workers must take a mandatory breathalyzer test daily, any time of the day with no limitations on the number of request that can be made by the employer.

All people who receive social grants must take a breathalyzer test to authorize payment of their grants to combat the scourge of drunkenness among our society.

If you think that is bad worst to come. All employees will have to submit hair, urine, saliva and blood monthly for a comprehensive drug test!

Officers conducting roadblocks may now request a urine test for on the spot drug testing with severe fines to be imposed on transgressors of any legal or illicit drugs & alcohol. If you wonder what the fuck you are going to do. Just make sure you have a copy of the prescription lady. Then you’re in the clear. OK just drive safely now.

The SAPS are already conducting rectal and vaginal drug inspection. There are apparently no regulation when it comes to dagga, human dignity and law enforcement. (PS This part is not satire. It’s the state of our nation. People are being inspected in the bum for dagga. We have gone mental.)

Moving on. Were screwed. Well I am probably fucked for sure.

Now to go drown my sorrows and party like there is no tomorrow in May!

Report written by Anonymous Journalist (well at least for now)