IF THEY HAD A JEWISH MOTHER

MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“After all the money your father and I
spent on braces, this you call a
smile?”

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH
MOTHER:
“I don't care what you've discovered,
you didn't call, you didn't write.”

MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“A ceiling you paint? Not good
enough for you the walls, like the
other children?
Do you know how hard it is to get
that schmutz off the ceiling?”

NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“You're not hiding your report card?
Show me!
Take your hand out of your jacket and
show me!”

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH
MOTHER:
“Again with that hat! Why can't you
wear a baseball cap like the other
kids?”

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH
MOTHER:
“Next time I catch you throwing
money across the Potomac,
you can kiss your allowance good-
bye!”

THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“Okay, so I'm proud that you invented
the electric light bulb.
Now turn it off already and go to
sleep!”

PAUL REVERE'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“I don't care where you think you
have to go, young man,
midnight is long past your bedtime!”

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
“Your senior photograph and you
couldn't have done something with
your hair?”

MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER:
“Desert, schmesert! Where have you
really been for the last forty years?”

BILL GATES' JEWISH MOTHER:
“It would have killed for you to
become a doctor?” …read more